Hello QUARTER midlife!

Ini gambar masa dinner company last Saturday. Semua orang pakai baju kotak-kotak. Yawn. I stole this from someones FB, hehehe gambar lain sila tengok di FB aku but as usual not many lah my face. Note: to buy that Lumix before end of the year. Thank you

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

[Never BEEN with the crowd wahahaha has always been a certified cool loner. Still not sure about things that I like, yet to be seen. Dislike a lot but its ok, tried forgiving. Insecurity is still around, making barely 30k a year is not fine. A bag or two is not fine. Foresee that I will be long in "the" job, still questioning 'the heck I'm doing explaining loans to people everyday??". Am looking for different life for the future. Damn always cock talk, never deliver. Shall see :P]

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

[What I realize is- too many mental illness going on. Am not in time to attend nonsense all the time. Please seek help and be friends later, sorry. How on earth did people get to be so selfish, sikit-sikit ambil kesempatan, what I know I'm still better, much better.]

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

[Aku sebenarnya nak jadi artis hahahaha macam nicole richie tu, stylo, ada rocker and faithful hubs and cute munchkin kids. Sungguh amusing I'm handling loans (wtf) and calming down madheads e.v.e.r.y day, sungguh amusing.]

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

[Hahahaha lolness. I miss my friends from school. My comfort zone. They know the real (freak and non-shy) me. Everyone moved. I have my comfort clan now, thank god.]

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

[What I want is fairytale. Tapi NO BODY lives perfectly. (Yeah I know, thanx for the moment). Have always understood my boundaries, never thought of doing anything "wrong" (at the moment). Forwarddddddddd... ]

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

[Hahahahahahaha rofl. Please lah..can someone do me a favor and erase the wrong ones in my life? hahahahahaha got my heart broken but I'm glad I got my mate back. Now I understand that friendship is much more berbaloi than a man. Kalau betul dia baik, or rather dia "right", he will not cause such a fcuking mess. I will not love a lot in a one time I'm not capable or built that way, can only work (fall for/fall hard) with 1 man. Like very serious, its not even fun. Rugi kan??? Daym.]

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

[You gotta roll with your age. Go by your experience. Random hook ups can fill your time, your fun but never your happiness. Arent you shocked that fun does not automatically secure your happiness? Welcome to quarter mid-life baby.]

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender!

[The most important thing is money. Bla bla bla family bla bla bla health bla bla bla true love.

How do you "handle" life/all this without money? Money.is.a.sin]

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

[I guess we are. Go with the flow, no?]